Like a Flash of Lightning, the Poo Was Revealed

If one were to stand at the corner of 40th Street and 6th Avenue in New York City and look a bit skyward, they would surely notice the "Nikola Tesla Corner" street sign. Of all the street type designations, I think "Corner" may be my favorite - cozy connotations come to mind, such as Tesla himself sitting by a fire with a cup of tea in his hand, a cat snoozing in his lap.

On a completely separate note, "2nd Street" is the most common street name in the United States; "1st Street" ranks third.

Back to Tesla. The street sign that bares his name serves as a constant reminder of his work, and would also be a wonderful stop on a scavenger hunt, I think (my clue of choice: Find the prize where fluorescent lighting meets the Americas). Yes, Tesla discovered fluorescent light. He also discovered rotating magnetic fields, alternating currents and in 1943 the United States Supreme Court named Tesla as the inventor of the radio, a blow to Marconi fans I'm sure. It is rumored that Tesla was born precisely at midnight in the midst of an electrical storm, which is perhaps the most fitting entry into the world as anyone could ever hope for. When Tesla died of heart failure at 86, alone, in the New Yorker Hotel, he was significantly less popular than Thomas Edison and it can be argued that this is still the case today. I find Tesla to be a much more compelling figure than Edison (not to mention the more groundbreaking inventor of the two). And when it really comes down to it, only Tesla can claim that David Bowie portrayed him in a movie.

I recently read a quite endearing story about Nikola Tesla and how far he would go for the few friends he had. Tesla was prone to alienating himself and never married. He remained celibate throughout most of his life, which he believed boosted his scientific abilities. Tesla devoted his life to his research, claiming those with true passion for their work held no outside interests - including women. In his middle age, though, Tesla developed a very close friendship with Samuel Longhorne Clemens (AKA Mark Twain). The following is the story of how Nikola Tesla, who once said Mark Twain's books saved his life, was able to return the favor to his beloved author friend:

Tesla discovered mechanical therapy accidentally. After stepping on the platform where his mechanical oscillator resided, Tesla felt strange, yet enjoyable vibrations pass through his body. He asked several assistants to stand on the platform and they, too, felt the same pleasant sensation as Tesla. After a short period of time, however, the inventor and his assistants all felt the overwhelming, pressing urge to defecate. I imagine this sensation washing over the men simultaneously, expressions of discomfort and urgency taking over their faces as they race to the restroom for release and relief. Comedic gold if you ask me. Tesla said the truth dawned upon him like a flash of lightning: "these isochronous rapid oscillations stimulated powerfully the peristaltic movements which propel the food-stuffs through the alimentary channels." Voilà! The original Metamucil! Apparently, Mark Twain suffered from several distressing ailments, constipation being one of them. In less than 2 months, the (True) Father of the Radio had cured the Father of American Literature and Twain regained his sprightly vigor (and regular bowel movements). Shortly after Tesla discovered mechanical therapy, a fire erupted in his New York lab, destroying priceless records and apparatus, among them the mechanical oscillator.

Things we lost in the fire....

A Sucked Orange

The Alaska Purchase has become one of my favorite historical tales. Purchased at 10 o'clock in the morning for $7.2 million in March of 1867, not many were excited about the new addition to the United States, particularly in the journalistic realm. Journalist Horace Greeley described the purchase as "a dark deed done in the night." Some nifty prose indeed. Seen by most as a frosty, barren wasteland, Alaska was dubbed "Seward's Folly," "Seward's Icebox," and, my personal favorite, "Andrew Johnson's Polar Bear Garden" until the late 19th century when miners struck gold. Literally. Horace Greeley and all the naysayers were proven wrong, and holidays such as Seward's Day have marked calendars ever since.

While this is all very well and good, there is a sub-story that I find extremely entertaining. In the city of Ketchikan, Alaska lies Saxman Village where the Tlingit tribe resides. A proud, albeit squat, Abraham Lincoln stands atop one of the many totem poles in the village. If one looks at the same pole closely, they will see a man being held upside down by what looks like a grinning fox and the same little man stands atop his own totem pole in the village. Who is this miniature man and why is he represented in this manner? The man in question is good ol' William Seward who, in 1869, decided to pay a trip to Alaska to see just what it was that he had purchased. Seward stopped to visit the Tlingit tribe who threw him one of their customary potlatches, a ceremony of gift giving. As also is custom, potlatches are elaborate affairs and the family hosting the potlatch basically spends themselves into a lower class with large amounts of food, entertainment and gifts to bestow upon attendees.

Little did Seward know, the custom is also that if you attend a potlatch, or one is held for you, you reciprocate with a potlatch for your host that is at least as big, if not bigger. Since Seward was not aware of this custom, he went merrily on his way with a wink and a wave, carrying his many gifts from the Tlingit tribe. After waiting for a return on his abundant gifts for seven years, Chief Ebbit dubbed Seward ungrateful and commissioned a shame pole in his honor. This is why the little Seward replica has red paint on his face... to represent a shamed man.

Apparently, several of Seward's descendents have returned to the village, requesting the totem pole representing their relative's blunder be taken down. The villagers refused, stating the debt had still not been repaid.