Clothing:Body::Mustache:Face ?

Stache, tache, tash, mo, muzzy, nose neighbor... all common abbreviations for the facial hair that rests so snugly against the upper lip: The Mustache. The Mustache must not be confused with The Beard. Indeed, a beard takes over an entire face whereas the mustache lies on the face like a comfortable afterthought - kind of like it was forgotten during the shaving process but the gentleman thought "Hey, I kind of like you. Stay awhile!"

Throughout history, many significant figures have sported mustaches: Edgar Allan Poe, Friedrich Nietzsche, Albert Einstein, the Mario Brothers... Today, though, mustaches seem to be much less common than they were in the past. The American Mustache Institute argues that when the "Me Decade" ended, so did America's respect for the mustache. AMI points out that in the 1970s, a mustache was seen as a luscious, respectable addition to one's face whereas today, the mustache is seen as an ironic, trendy novelty. And a discriminated one at that. A recent poll showed that half of American women would refuse to kiss a mustached man. In 2006 the US Supreme Court ruled that it was permissible for a trial lawyer to throw someone off a jury using the pretext that they have a moustache. Now, consider this excerpt from The Mustache by Guy de Maupassant written in 1883:

[... ] a man without a mustache is no longer a man. I do not care much for a beard; it almost always makes a man look untidy. But a mustache, oh, a mustache is indispensable to a manly face. No, you would never believe how these little hair bristles on the upper lip are a relief to the eye and good in other ways.

Got it. The mustache was an important attribute to a true man's face. Read on...

Imagine placing to your lips a piece of dry--or moist--parchment. That is the kiss of the man without a mustache. It is not worth while. [...] There is no love without a mustache!

What happened here?! Where did this love for the mustache go? According to "research" performed by AMI, mustaches were most widely accepted between 1969 and 1982. Is it possible that American men, in an attempt to cleanse themselves of the sequined rollercoaster ride that was the 1970s, shaved their mustaches as wishful thinking for the coming decade?

My father wore a mustache until 1985. I did not know him when he was sporting what I have come to learn is named the "Fu Manchu." I conducted a short interview with my dad via e-mail to find out a little more about the mustache that I have only known through family photos that were taken before I joined the family, of course. In my photographic research, I have come to the conclusion that my dad shaved a few months before I was born. There he is, in October of 1985, standing beside my mother with her ballooning belly, mustache revealing a hint of teeth. But then there he is, in late February of 1985, sitting behind the gargantuan lobster the hospital provided him for his celebratory "My Daughter Was Born Today" dinner, sporting a smile that is comparatively blinding, no facial hair shielding his grin at all. According to my dad, he shaved because "It was just time for a change." Could his sentiments reflect those of other American men in the early to mid-1980s who had been growing mustaches since their late teen years? And of the American populace in general during the mid-80s?

Like a Flash of Lightning, the Poo Was Revealed

If one were to stand at the corner of 40th Street and 6th Avenue in New York City and look a bit skyward, they would surely notice the "Nikola Tesla Corner" street sign. Of all the street type designations, I think "Corner" may be my favorite - cozy connotations come to mind, such as Tesla himself sitting by a fire with a cup of tea in his hand, a cat snoozing in his lap.

On a completely separate note, "2nd Street" is the most common street name in the United States; "1st Street" ranks third.

Back to Tesla. The street sign that bares his name serves as a constant reminder of his work, and would also be a wonderful stop on a scavenger hunt, I think (my clue of choice: Find the prize where fluorescent lighting meets the Americas). Yes, Tesla discovered fluorescent light. He also discovered rotating magnetic fields, alternating currents and in 1943 the United States Supreme Court named Tesla as the inventor of the radio, a blow to Marconi fans I'm sure. It is rumored that Tesla was born precisely at midnight in the midst of an electrical storm, which is perhaps the most fitting entry into the world as anyone could ever hope for. When Tesla died of heart failure at 86, alone, in the New Yorker Hotel, he was significantly less popular than Thomas Edison and it can be argued that this is still the case today. I find Tesla to be a much more compelling figure than Edison (not to mention the more groundbreaking inventor of the two). And when it really comes down to it, only Tesla can claim that David Bowie portrayed him in a movie.

I recently read a quite endearing story about Nikola Tesla and how far he would go for the few friends he had. Tesla was prone to alienating himself and never married. He remained celibate throughout most of his life, which he believed boosted his scientific abilities. Tesla devoted his life to his research, claiming those with true passion for their work held no outside interests - including women. In his middle age, though, Tesla developed a very close friendship with Samuel Longhorne Clemens (AKA Mark Twain). The following is the story of how Nikola Tesla, who once said Mark Twain's books saved his life, was able to return the favor to his beloved author friend:

Tesla discovered mechanical therapy accidentally. After stepping on the platform where his mechanical oscillator resided, Tesla felt strange, yet enjoyable vibrations pass through his body. He asked several assistants to stand on the platform and they, too, felt the same pleasant sensation as Tesla. After a short period of time, however, the inventor and his assistants all felt the overwhelming, pressing urge to defecate. I imagine this sensation washing over the men simultaneously, expressions of discomfort and urgency taking over their faces as they race to the restroom for release and relief. Comedic gold if you ask me. Tesla said the truth dawned upon him like a flash of lightning: "these isochronous rapid oscillations stimulated powerfully the peristaltic movements which propel the food-stuffs through the alimentary channels." Voilà! The original Metamucil! Apparently, Mark Twain suffered from several distressing ailments, constipation being one of them. In less than 2 months, the (True) Father of the Radio had cured the Father of American Literature and Twain regained his sprightly vigor (and regular bowel movements). Shortly after Tesla discovered mechanical therapy, a fire erupted in his New York lab, destroying priceless records and apparatus, among them the mechanical oscillator.

Things we lost in the fire....

A Sucked Orange

The Alaska Purchase has become one of my favorite historical tales. Purchased at 10 o'clock in the morning for $7.2 million in March of 1867, not many were excited about the new addition to the United States, particularly in the journalistic realm. Journalist Horace Greeley described the purchase as "a dark deed done in the night." Some nifty prose indeed. Seen by most as a frosty, barren wasteland, Alaska was dubbed "Seward's Folly," "Seward's Icebox," and, my personal favorite, "Andrew Johnson's Polar Bear Garden" until the late 19th century when miners struck gold. Literally. Horace Greeley and all the naysayers were proven wrong, and holidays such as Seward's Day have marked calendars ever since.

While this is all very well and good, there is a sub-story that I find extremely entertaining. In the city of Ketchikan, Alaska lies Saxman Village where the Tlingit tribe resides. A proud, albeit squat, Abraham Lincoln stands atop one of the many totem poles in the village. If one looks at the same pole closely, they will see a man being held upside down by what looks like a grinning fox and the same little man stands atop his own totem pole in the village. Who is this miniature man and why is he represented in this manner? The man in question is good ol' William Seward who, in 1869, decided to pay a trip to Alaska to see just what it was that he had purchased. Seward stopped to visit the Tlingit tribe who threw him one of their customary potlatches, a ceremony of gift giving. As also is custom, potlatches are elaborate affairs and the family hosting the potlatch basically spends themselves into a lower class with large amounts of food, entertainment and gifts to bestow upon attendees.

Little did Seward know, the custom is also that if you attend a potlatch, or one is held for you, you reciprocate with a potlatch for your host that is at least as big, if not bigger. Since Seward was not aware of this custom, he went merrily on his way with a wink and a wave, carrying his many gifts from the Tlingit tribe. After waiting for a return on his abundant gifts for seven years, Chief Ebbit dubbed Seward ungrateful and commissioned a shame pole in his honor. This is why the little Seward replica has red paint on his face... to represent a shamed man.

Apparently, several of Seward's descendents have returned to the village, requesting the totem pole representing their relative's blunder be taken down. The villagers refused, stating the debt had still not been repaid.